


(wilting) Buttercups In My Heart

by nanero11



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Cheating, M/M, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:20:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26609701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanero11/pseuds/nanero11
Summary: After confessing his love to Jaskier, Geralt is the happiest he's ever been. Unfortunately, it doesn't last.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 9
Kudos: 64
Collections: Bounce A Coin Bingo





	(wilting) Buttercups In My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you mix_kid_ao3 for helping me develop this idea and betaing, you are the real MVP.

Geralt knew what love was to him. Love was a soft, warm buzzing in his chest whenever he looked at the person of his affections. Love was wanting to keep them safe and comfortable and happy. Love was knowing he’d do anything to make them smile and hear them laugh.

Geralt also knew time waited for no one. Time is fleeting. You think you have so much of it and then suddenly ten years have gone by and you’re left looking back wondering how it all went so fast…left looking forward wondering how much of it you still have.

And it was these things, love because Geralt knew he could deny it no longer, and time because Geralt could not stand to waste another second of it, that led him to this. To the fire crackling away, letting its sparks fly up into the night. To the stars twinkling overhead in a nearly cloudless sky. To Jaskier’s humming as he happily scribbled away in his notebook. It was this moment that Geralt chose to confess.

Looking back at that moment, he wanted to say fuck time and fuck love and fuck himself for ever thinking he was worthy of it.

…

Geralt should have seen it, should have known, something was wrong from the very first moment. From the look of shock that took over Jaskier’s expression as Geralt held his heart out to him. From the seconds of silence that passed as Jaskier’s face turned into a conflicted mess of furrowed brows and a stricken frown. From the way the tension seemed to rise between them as Jaskier let out a hesitant “I feel the same.”

But Geralt’s stubborn, too much sometimes for his own good, and he looked passed the warning signals that were threatening him it was too good to be true. Instead he fixated on Jaskier’s reciprocation, halfhearted as it was, and the warmth of the bard’s hand clasped within his own.

He went to sleep that night, Jaskier awkwardly curled up in his arms, happy. He was _so fucking_ _happy_. Happy that he had allowed himself to be vulnerable for once, to put his emotions out into the world knowing they could be stomped on in the worst ways. Happy that Jaskier loved him back, he had said so, said he’d felt the same and why would his bard ever lie to him. Happy that he could have _this_ , this thing that Witcher’s aren’t meant to have but he’d wished so much that he could anyways.

It’s often said that love blinds you. Geralt will never fall for love’s trickery again.

…

It had started off fine. Not much had changed in Geralt’s view. Their routine remained the same, the only addition being the knowledge between them that now they were something more, that Geralt loved Jaskier and Jaskier loved him in return.

But Geralt also knew that it would take time for them to adjust to this new development in their relationship. Knew it from the way Jaskier always found an excuse to pull his hand away from Geralt’s after a few minutes. From the way whenever Geralt initiated a kiss, Jaskier indulged him for a bit but nevertheless ended it before it could be anything more than innocent. From the way when he wrapped his arms around Jaskier at night his bard went stiff as a board before eventually relaxing.

These things were fine, Geralt had decided, because every relationship had its bumps. They had just realized their feelings for each other after all and it would take time for them to settle into this unfamiliar territory of intimacy. Geralt would wait all the time in the world for Jaskier because his bard was more than worth it.

What a fool Geralt had been.

…

All good things in Geralt’s life eventually come to an end, Geralt knew this and yet still pursued his heart hoping this time would be different, and he never expected it to hurt this bad.

It had been months since his confession, since that night where he laid his heart bare to Jaskier and Jaskier had accepted it. Months filled with Geralt’s happiness slowly draining out of him, becoming replaced with unsurety and the fact that he must’ve fucked up somehow at being a good partner to Jaskier, at showing him how much he loved him.

But Geralt was determined to make it right, to find out whatever was bothering Jaskier and fix it because he didn’t want to lose his bard. He couldn’t imagine a life without him anymore.

So, after a particularly gruesome contract he washed up the best he could in a river nearby. Scrubbed himself clean in a way he knew Jaskier would appreciate and combed his hair, pulling it neatly back. He put on the finest shirt he owned, one Jaskier had gifted him for a banquet, that he had tucked safely away in his saddlebag earlier this morning in anticipation of what was to come.

On his way through the market back to the inn a flower stall caught his eye and he passed over some coin for a bouquet. Buttercups for his buttercup. And after making sure Roach was comfortable in the stables he allowed himself a small moment, letting his eyes flicker shut, picturing the soft smile Jaskier would give him when he showed up at their room all dressed up, the sounds of joy his bard would make at seeing the flowers Geralt had gotten just for him.

It didn’t happen like that, of course, and what a fool Geralt must’ve been to think it would. What happened instead had Geralt wishing he could erase these past months and squelch the feelings of love he felt before he had ever had a chance to voice them aloud.

What happened was Geralt froze outside their room because suddenly all he could hear was the soft groans and moans coming from the inside. What happened was Geralt had opened the door thinking it couldn’t be true only to have the image imprinted into his mind of Jaskier, looking happier and more full of life than he ever had these past few months with Geralt, making love with someone in their bed. What happened was Geralt must’ve made some sad, sorrowful noise as the buttercups in his hand slowly fell to the ground because the couple in the bed suddenly split apart and turned to stare at him.

He thought that maybe he heard Jaskier calling after him, but he was already down the stairs and out the door, somehow ending up with his face pressed into Roach’s neck as hot, silent tears slid down his cheeks.

And the shittiest revelation suddenly slapped him in the face. Geralt should never have asked for Jaskier’s love. It had been forced, he knew that now. He could never have deserved anything more than the bard had already given him.

And he knew that Jaskier could never be happy with him. He could see that clearly, in the contrast between how dull and uncomfortable the bard had been with him and how passionate and at ease he had been just minutes ago with someone else.

And it was unfair and it was cruel, but if it meant that for Jaskier to be happy it took Geralt being unhappy and alone, then he would do it. Because although it felt as though his heart had been ripped in two, he still loved Jaskier.


End file.
